Anti-Kristen

She is the yin to my yang... A thin, blonde, heart on the sleeve true girls girly girl to my fluffy brunette repressed nerdom.

She waited in line with me for five hours today to get a book signed. Her patience was my reward--both in the autograph and five hours of nylon-roped-waiting-line quality time.

I am thankful for my anti-Kristen, my friend Kristin... endless recipes and home improvement ideas and laughter abound when we're together. She has been breaking me down for years, she'll soften me up yet and I'm the better for it.

Swimming Pools

I think in another life I lived in the water… perhaps I was a dolphin or a mermaid or a synchronized swimmer. I love the water, all water really but if I had to prioritize it swimming pools would be at the top of the list.

Lakes are great but weeds, mysterious mucky bottoms and an unpleasant allergy to some lakes with an unknown lake flotsam (damn you Wabedo) taint the experience. Speaking of taint, the iron tinted rusty rocky depths Superior and the Upper Seine taunt me every summer but their size and latitude make for a frigid dip.

Oceans and seas are fantastic. The salty buoyancy and rolling surf open a world of gravity-defying play. However, I watch enough Discovery Channel to be keenly aware of the converse relationship between the depth at which I frolic and my position on the food chain. In short, the deeper I play, the lower the link on the food chain I sit.

Despite being void of nature’s inspiration, I am thankful for swimming pools. They simply alleviate all the above risk. Pools offer visibly clear water, chemically treated and temperature controlled, free of toothed or poisonous predators and unpredicable unforgivable riptides; pools afford easily accessible safe seasonless submersion on-demand.

My Mentor and Friend, Larry

Today I received shocking news. Today I lost my mentor and beloved friend. He died suddenly, barely 53, and I find myself in shock and without words. So, through my 1% tears I tap out an anemic tribute to a tremendous man.

It was because of Larry’s coaching and tutelage that I have my career but more importantly it was because of his support and encouragement that I have my writing—the newsletter that started it all, the blog before you and the someday book.

I think he knew how much he meant to me and how thankful I was to have him and his family as a part of my life.

And how much I’ve learned from him.

And grown because of him.

And how much I will truly miss him.

Simple Math

Where I work there are a lot of agendas, egos and politics. Your garden variety corporate BS. My job is bulldozing past it and executing programs that will either reduce operating expense, deliver top-line growth or deliver on our mission/promise to our customers… That is my agenda. I leave my ego at home and I abhor politics. I’ve learned over time that even the most articulate, logical and well researched position can rarely combat the BS without some shocking or provocative numbers.

Enter simple math. I love simple math, often referred to corporately as “data” or “insights.” (quotes for sarcastic inflection) While on the spot calculations are not my strong suit (that is what God made Excel for) I know how to tell a story. Simple stuff really, my favorite is probably tact rate. If you want to get to ‘x’ by ‘y date’ and you churn out ‘z daily’… you need to increase your rate by 441%. Watch the jaws drop and the troops assemble. Priceless.

I am thankful for simple math and its place in storytelling to influence alignment and decision making. It also plays the perennial bad-cop, after all… I’m not a b*tch, just the messenger. It’s not just useful at the office; simple math is also the secret ingredient to pulling off a juicy turkey and flawless thanksgiving dinner.

Smell

First, understand that I am supremely thankful for all five of my senses. That said, my sense of smell evokes some of the strongest responses—involuntary and voluntary alike.

Just a whiff is all it takes to evoke a memory, and not just a memory but a crystal clear virtual reality-esque involuntary recollection of the moment. Sometimes it is a person, a vacation, a meal, an event and the rest of my body responds in kind. A relaxing event and I can feel my heart rate slow, a meal and I can feel my mouth start to water… An amorous event and I can feel myself blush. It’s really quite amazing to see how it is all connected.

These days the voluntary response manifests mostly in my consumerism. It stands to reason that a girl so thankful for a sense which evokes such a strong response would be… well… persnickety with when voting with her dollars to purchase scented items. Frankly, second to quality, it is a key measure of my brand loyalty. I could go on and on and have been meaning to write that entry for some time, we’ll save it for another time. Back to thankfulness…

I am thankful for my keen sense of smell and the joy I get from processing the memories and emotions linked to it. I am also thankful for some of companies to which I am brand-loyal that once they get a product to the shelves that sells that they simply leave well enough alone and just let us enjoy.

Flannel Sheets

Shorter days and a chill in the air mean “the big change” approaches on Horten Point… The hospital-cornered change to flannel sheets. The soft brushed knap holds the heat and creates a cozy cocoon (a woven to those in the know) that facilitates the long winters nap while the novelty prints nurture my inner child.

Be it a creamy golden khaki studded with snowmen, reindeer and candy canes or something less “festive” like a chocolate brown swirled with creamy white and icy blue snowflakes something about curling into bed bundled in flannel whimsy brings me back to a time when my age was in the single digits. Even though I never had flannel sheets as a kid.

If you’ve read about my love for changing seasons, this detail should come as no surprise. I’m thankful for the warmth and comfort of flannel sheets and how they make me feel inside and out.

My Home

Be it ever so humble there is really no place like home.

After a long day at the office turning toward the home strech I know I'm home when I see the boulder at the end of the street. Then when I open the door and smell the warm air inside... it smells of clean laundry, and whatever candle that I currently love that the bastards at Yankee Candle haven't discontiued yet... sorry, I digress... These days, it is vanilla and mint.

Or reading the paper on a quiet Sunday morning, fire glowing in the fireplace.
Or cooking in the kitchen, preparing for family or friends to visit.
Or setting up the Christmas decorations.
Or completing the deep spring or fall clean.
Or daydreaming of the courtyard redo.

I am so thankful for the quiet, calming cozy townhouse I call home.

Coffee

It is more than just a caffeine delivery mechanism. I love coffee so much, I drink decaf a lot of the time. Coffee is morning in a cup. A complex, multifacted symphony of flavors to awaken all five of the senses.

Sound--crushing beans with a crunching whining growl, the grinder signals the process is underway.

Smell--wafting through through the rooms, the filtering drip teases me with the prospect of advance cup.

Sight--mixing the perfect creamy shade of brown, the cream primes the cup with a small sploosh.

Touch--feeling the warmth of the mug in hand, the heat is so comforting I hold it with two hands.

Taste--savoring the nuance of each flavor, the first sip is a welcome companion in greeting the morning or finishing off a dessert.

Today, my favorite seasonal roast, Caribou Coffee's Reindeer Blend, emerged from its ten month nap. I'm thankful for coffee; not just the flavor, the ritual or even sometimes the pick-me-up of the caffeine but the social society that exists among coffee drinkers and special ring in the phrase "meeting for coffee."

Music

I've hinted at it a couple of times and so this constitutes my official post proclaiming how thankful I am for music.

Let it should be known that I am not musically inclined at all. It is a foreign language that I cannot seem to decipher. I have a good enough ear to do the holiday carols justice in the comfort of a group but other than that, I'm purely a private solo act. This alone amplifies my appreciation.

I love most kinds of music, and what I don't love I don't 'get' which is okay... It is an art for and therefore subject to taste and subjectivity.

The power of music is an amazing thing. Its ability to set or shift a mood, trigger a memory, or inspire any range of movements from a simple to tap to a full out boogie.

Music Accessories

I love music and my Susan Boyle post, while accurate, was a bit of a fatigued 'phone in.' I'll expound on music later... but today it's all about the accessories. If I had two children... I'm certain I would not be able to articulate which one I love more. I know this because I have both an iPod Touch and Sirius Satellite Radio and there are days where I am truly torn between them.

Do I play the musical version of Russian roulette and shuffle the iPod collection or play one of my custom tailored playlists to create or punctuate the exact mood I'm shooting for? Or do I turn it over to the science provided to me by my good friends at Apple and roll with a series of Genius picks... Play lists computer generated based on one song selection reconciled to the remaining songs available on the device. Oh, decisions decisions.

Or... if I'm rolling down the road do I hit the gloriously commerical-free satellite airwaves and broadened my horizons with some new music or a specific decade or genre (jazz, heavy metal, acoustic)? Perhaps the collection of just one artist (Sinatra, Elvis, Springsteen). Politics, news, humor or Martha Stewarts timely turkey tips--over 100 stations to choose from.

Living in the information age and a fan of technology I am thankful for the gadgetry and personalization that allows me to have what ever music I want near me anytime I have a free ear.

Sushi and its Supply Chain

Day 11 of 30 Days of Thankful

I love fine food and a good a meal. Sushi is a special favorite of mine, probably because I don't have it very frequently... Not many of my friends share my love of sushi.

Tonight, I came across some of the best sushi I've ever had at Seven. The flavor and texture were perfect and so fresh I swear I could still smell and taste the ocean. I began to think about the journey of this fish from sea to plate and all of the people who made it happen. I'm sure yellow slicker clad Gorton's Fisherman has plenty of automation to churn out fish-bits as sticks; a level of automation that sushi grade just would not tolerate.

The fact that I can safely consume raw fish whenever my heart desires in spite of the fact that I live landlocked in the middle of the country is a little luxury that I am thankful for. Giving thanks from gill to tail, the supply chain that ferries the fish to my community and the fine restaurateurs who slice, wrap and roll a delicious, artful tradition from the far east to the plates of the midwest.

Susan Boyle

Day 10 of 30 Days of Thankful

That unassuming little Scotswoman give me chills every time I hear her sing. I'm thankful for the gift that she's been given and that she finally found a forum to share it.

Drinking Water

Fresh delicious drinking water flowing freely from our taps is something we likely take for granted in an industrialized nation until it pours out of our spigots smelling like chlorinated swamp.

My parents are currently enduring this very same public works debacle and I feel for them. Similarly, a year or so ago, the water in my corporate high-rise of employment began to taste the like the murky sludge at the bottom of the Mississippi... not good at all. Fortunately a teammates' husband is a water distributor and now for about $2.50 a month per person our team shares in the glub-glug of a good old fashioned water cooler.

I've become a bit of a connoisseur of water over the years and also a vigilant hydrator. That combination makes me immensely thankful for the readily available access I have to bright, refreshing drinking water (Eagan tap plus a Brita) and how good it makes me feel when I am fully hydrated.

The Men and Women of our Armed Forces

Day 8 of 30 Days of Thankful

I don't care much for war and our current war is mired in politics that will quickly steer my editorial far afield from my thankful focus. That said, regardless of the back story to any military action it is the men and women on the front lines that deliver on the orders, carry out the mission and accept the personal risk.

Today, in honor of Veteran's Day, the fine fellows on the Fox NFL Sunday Pre-Game show broadcast from Afghanistan and the faces of the front-lines were brought into my living room. These men and women in uniform peppered the commentators with questions about their favorite teams and players with a normalcy that astonished and humbled me.

Thankful as both a term and sentiment falls short for expressing my appreciation of the men and women who have committed their time and accepted the risk to their life and limb to protect not only American freedoms but the freedom and human rights of people around the globe. For the troops--active, veterans, and the missing and fallen--and their families, I am thankful.

Minnesota Seasons and Weather

Day 7 of 30 Days of Thankful.

Today was one of those perfect fall days that if you could order up, you'd order a dozen. Through my ear to ear smile as I was puttering around in the garage I realized how thankful I am for our four distinct seasons that set the scene for Minnesota living.

Winter: The sharp white canvas of snow highlights all the color of the holidays while the long cold march toward March provides the perfect excuse for catching up on reading, movies, red wine, board games... or skiing/ snowboarding/ snowshoeing if that that's your thing.

Spring: Longer days give way to melting snow and as the air warms the damp smell of spring hits the air and people emerge from their hibernation. Signs of life return to the landscape in the form of crocuses, daffodils, and tulips. By the time the lilacs bloom you know summer is just around the corner.

Summer: As the temperature rises the smell of spring subsides and is replaced by the smells of summer; storms, grills and fresh cut grass. The dry skin of winter becomes supple again with liberal application of bug spray and sunscreen. Boats and bikes abound and outdoor seating is a premium worth the wait list. Invariably the summer heat and humidity get to a point where you pray for the relief that only a change in seasons can deliver--enter fall.

Fall: The heat breaks and the fall breezes swish away the summer haze and begin to rustle the leaves. Deep green canopies slowly change to jeweled tones of red, gold and orange. The days get shorter and cool fall evenings scented with bonfires and apple cider are lit by the glow of jack-o-lanterns and you squeeze out every last bit of each outdoor moment knowing the winter veil will soon descend.

I'm thankful for the distinct seasons and temperate weather that serves as the backdrop for the multitude of activities that make up Minnesota; I truly believe that the extremes are key to our appreciation of the those perfect blue-bird days.

...Not mention the weather is our universal conversation starter for those awkward, repressed elevator and waiting line pleasantries.

My Niece Sophie

Day 6 of 30 days of Thankful

Today, I got to spend the day with my niece, Sophie. She is a little over two and a whole lotta fun. We had a rare sunny, warm November day, we even got to play outside running in the grass and blowing and chasing bubbles.

Her personality is starting to take shape and she is very observant and she loves to sing and dance and color and read books. I just can't get enough of her sweet little voice when she sings and talks and tells stories I am completely enthralled. Her face is my favorite subject for photography, it is very expressive and often the shutter snaps enough photos that a person could use her changing expressions as a flip book.

I am thankful for the time Sophie and I get to spend together and thankful to be a part of her life--I can't wait to see what comes next.

A Good Cry

From a pure data standpoint tracking gross tear production as a measure I suppose it could be said that I cry a lot which, again speaking only technically, I suppose is true. Although, if you bucket the tears into thematic categories and graph the distribution you'll clearly see that I am not a huge cryer in the "she's a cryer" traditional sense of the term.



The vast majority of my tears are from laughter or empathy but occasionally I am angered, frustrated, minimized, hurt and/or all of the above to the point I just need the release and reset that a good cry can provide.

Today, I was thankful for the warm salty tears that streamed down my cheeks and washed the work week away while I navigated the commute home. Today, I was thankful for a good cry.

Julie, my BFF

I was going to wait until her birthday or until the third Thursday of the month (our standing date) but I just don't think I can hold out until then.

Julie and I met in 1995 when we both worked in real estate. We hit it off and became fast friends and the adventures ensued. We've grown together, took a break and grew while we were apart and when we reconnected, we picked up where we left off.

Julie probably knows me better than anyone and I am so very thankful for every adventure we've had and inevitable bouts of laughter. If our friendship had a soundtrack there would be 10-15 soundbites and then a series of laugh tracks. I just plain love her.

Some of Julie is always with me and even when I'm alone and something strikes me as funny I mutter "standing." I hope everyone is blessed enough to have a Julie... not mine though, get your own.

My Hair Stylist Bonnie

On average, I get a haircut every 8-10 weeks and similarly I average about one compliment per week about my hair... And what girl doesn't like compliments on her appearance. Not this girl, bring it.

My Bonnie story is one of those small world stories. I was getting a hair cut after Bush "won" the election in 2000. My stylist at the time as an adorable young fellow at a chic Aveda salon downtown, he was also a staunch republican. His politics did not typically effect his performance but he was so lathered up over the burgeoning legal battles in Florida to settle the election he took it out on my coif. I left the salon looking the unholy love child of Dorothy Hamill and Moe from the Three Stooges.

After a couple weeks of trying to make it work I booked the earliest appointment at a nearby salon. An appointment with Bonnie. I arrived at the salon to see a familiar face. Bonnie Wibbles whose locker was next to mine all through high-school

She's been doing my hair, and that of a few friends since then. She's also a friend a my partner in sushi adventures. I'm thankful for Bonnies steady hand and her eye for symmetry when it matters and when it doesn't.

Laughter

Mine and those around me... and all innumerable different kinds of laughter,

It doesn't matter why or who or the topic. I love to laugh and I love being a part of others laughter.

I am so very thankful for my splendid sense of humor that allows me to laugh my way through or find some humor in most everything that comes my way. Additionally, I'm supremely thankful for my clever mind, quick wit and sense of comedic timing--a double dip of nature and nurture means there are usually a few chuckles in store for those I roll with as well.

Thirty Days of Thankful--Hut Hut Hike

In honor of my favorite holiday and the true sentiment behind it (I'm not just a fiend for turkey) I'm endeavoring to blog every day during the month of November and each entry will feature what I'm top of mind thankful for.

Football
I have memories of my childhood watching the Sunday game with my Dad. The Purple Pride was in their hey-day and playing football outdoors.

Nowadays, I watch my football solo steeped in Sunday rest. I also watch fantasy football players perform or fail me--more failing me than performing this year... but at least the Vikes are on a streak. (Yay falls oh so very short)

I love this time of year and am thankful for the only major league sport I follow that punctuates it and thankful for the time it means with friends at draft parties ahead of the season and smack talk to start the last 16 weeks of the year.

Ritz Crackers and Glade

Settle down, this is not a recap of my dinner.

It is however my introduction to the holiday advertising season. In the first 30 minutes of Dancing with the Stars tonight I have seen the first two ads for consumer packaged goods.

Ritz Cracker getting a leap on the things promoting the importance of having their crackers at your holiday fete. Followed by Glade in the next bundle featuring their limited edition holiday scents. Because we all know, if you're going to have people over for crackers and merriment the house better smell good.

Wow, this feels early. I know my lawn is covered in leaves and Thanksgiving is a mere 31 days away but jeez, the Great Pumpkin hasn't even been on yet.

What can you say about Brett Favre?

You can say a lotta things about Brett Favre but you can't say that he doesn't laugh at himself. Just saw this Sears commercial during one of the most emotionally charged games of his career.




And if this one doesn't get your chuckler moving, check out the one with the outtakes.

Papa Johns Cinnapie

So Papa Johns has a new dessert, the Cinnapie, that they are giving away free with a two topping pizza. Let me tell you how to eat this sweet treat...

Skip the dessert and eat it for breakfast the following morning. It goes great with a hot steamy cup of coffee, the Sunday paper and the NFL pre-game show.

Me = bad ass

Okay, I got rid of the crazy girl at the bottom of the pink menace in favor of this colorful sketchy number that feels more like a beloved notepad or journal which really appeals to me.

I'm a bad ass because I actually had to tweak the html code to get the title and subheading to fit properly at the top of the page and I figgered it out all on my own within just a few minutes.

Yeah, I rock.

P.S. Who the heck is that???

Okay, so now I just happened to scroll to the bottom of the page and there is a woman laying on a couch. She wasn't there when I downloaded it. What the ...!!!

Ugh, I'll hit the drawing board again in a day or so... Maybe I'll find something with pumpkins, after all tomorrow September begins.

Yay September!

Oh you silly internet

I opened the computer tonight to do three things...

1. Check email. Check.
2. Update Facebook. Check.

What was the third thing... hmmm... 1.5 hours and a new blog template later I remembered that I was going to price shop some a new refrigerators.

Good lord there is a lot on the internets.

Noo noo noo noo, noo noo noo noo

[to the tune of the Twilight Zone theme]

Was grappling with a conundrum at the Behr paint wall in Home Depot today. Was trying to find the right complementary blue for the office palette. The one in hand was too blue, too true blue... too baby nursery blue. I had a chip from Glidden that would work but I'm not a fan of how their paint goes on the wall. I know Behr could do a custom match but I still wasn't convinced I couldn't find an "off the shelf" hue.

Next to me is a man and his daughter. He is at the Behr compute matching kiosk thingy. He has one color card in hand and yells out to his daughter the number of the next card they needed for their project. He says "730E" to her. "What?!" she asks. "730E!" he directs more loudly (no agitation in the tone, simply louder). The girl breezes past me, speed reading the Behr equivalent to the Dewey Decimal system until she finds and snags the card her dad ordered up.

Meanwhile, I am sliding my Glidden sample over the Behr cards muttering what quite possibly sounded like the home improvement version of Goldilocks & The Three Bears. This one's too blue. This one's too teal. As I gravitate to the last section of blues... This one's just right! The perfect steely yet earthy spa blue I've been looking for. Card number 730E.

Creepy coincidence or divine hand in color match? You decide.

Officer, I swear it was an accident.

I have had a pretty bad cold for the past few days. Seriously bad, raw spot on my nose bad (from blowing/wiping)--this is a first.

One the way home from work yesterday, I was finally starting to perk up a bit and it was positively gorgeous outside so I had all the windows down and the roof open for the commute home. All was well and good until I hit the highway, I had not properly calculated the air currents rolling through my vehicle nor reconciled them to the mass of the stack of used Kleenexes (a proprietary eponym and a victim of genericide) and out the windows they floated and flew.

Making me... a litterer. At least my tabs are current.

The upcoming rain eases my conscience that they won't become part of home for some adorable woodland creature or bird.

High Praise

So, I have precious few readers. I suppose this is appropriate seeing as how I have been logging precious few entries.

Most of them love me based on blood, marriage or... years of service. But tonight I am writing about one reader who I haven't known very long and don't know super well however I like her a lot. She's one cool broad and not just because she has great taste in blogs and pics.

Jen, JRO... this one's for you. Thanks for the readership and the camera tips (am still beaming from your feedback ;).

If Coors Light had a "Real B*tch&s of Genius" marketing campaign I would probably have a link just for you, instead here's one for Amy (one of my all time faves) that if it doesn't kick her gagger in, it will at least make her tear up with laughter.

Best of Canada 2009

While my photography has improved I am still not the prodigy I had hoped. It took 154 clicks of the shutter to get 10 share worthy photos. I love the flora and fauna as subjects and think a trip to the arboretum might be on the horizon once I read a few more chapters in the 'how to' books.

Summer Maintenance

This is some comical marketing from our friends at Schick. The American commercial is quite subtle while the UK advert is a little more... er, um, shall we say obvious.

Considering my salty feud with Gillette this might be enough to turn me into a Schick girl.

Currently playing on American TV


The UK Version...


Wow. All I have to say is wow.

The First 100 Grays

As I am watching the presidential news conference I am astounded by what appears to be a significant increase in the amount of salt in President Obama's pepper.

He either has the worst colorist on the planet or this president thing is a tough job. I suspect the latter. Take it easy, take a vacation like your predecessor.

Or did he use up all the PTO?

Aah the little things

Let me start by disclosing that is has been a particularly difficult couple of days at the old salt mine. Simply brutal.

And in the spirit of disclosure this post only makes sense with the true confession of my "approach" to recycling. I want to recycle and I sort of do but it manifests itself as an unsorted pile of beer/liquor/wine bottles and Progresso soup cans. I have been evil-eyeing the pile in my garage all winter and waiting for the sunny Spring Saturday that I would sort it and dispose of it properly. I had even envisioned a blog entry with a photo of all the booze bottles titled "Dear Mr. Recycling Technician, I am not an alcoholic or party animal."

But driving down my street tonight, today was garbage day, I see that streamlined processes have beat me to it. Awaiting me at the end my driveway was a new addition to my garbage can family... a yellow-lidded recycling dumpster. No more with the sorting. No more with the bagging. Just simplified recycling goodness. If the thing weren't made of plastic I'd swear my carbon footprint just dropped 3o points.

At any rate... that sunshine yellow lid and the promise of a tidier garage was a great pick-me-up at the end of a long day. Now, let me drain another bottle for the bin.

Advice to Time Life

So lately I have been falling asleep during the Daily Show and waking up in the middle of the night to Time Life infomercials featuring their CD collections--most recently Monster Ballads and 70's Love Songs to be specific.

Half asleep I mumble "oh I love that song" but don't quite muster the wherewithal to write down the name of the song. It popped into my head as a random thought tonight after some wine and Chinese takeaway and I tickety tap tap tapped it into the Googler to see if I could find a list of the songs in the collection.

And indeed I did. So instead of three easy payments of $39.99 I was able to cherrypick the CD song list for my favorites and download only the ones I wanted from iTunes for one payment well under $39.99.

My advice to Time Life is once the infomercial is over... don't let me see all the songs. The gerries and bluehairs you are targeting have kids and grand kids with ipods; they are wise to this technology thing.

MST3K for Girls

Is this title sexist? Yes.
Is this title accurate? Yes!

First off, let me say I love, Love, LOVED Mystery Science Theater 3000 and still do. Long since done and not to be found in syndication I miss it however it only ever nourished half of my witty, biting sarcastic appetite--the grade B movie loving inner nerd. I found a new and fantastic substitute tonight by accident for my girly side.

The show is called Whatever, Martha on FLN (Fine Living Network) and it is quite simply Alexis Stewart (Martha's daughter) and her sidekick Jennifer (who bears a shocking resemblance in look and style to my dear friend Kati Cunningham) and they basically just rip on Martha and her vignettes. They are merciless and seemingly unfiltered. And what really cracks me up is that Martha is an exec. producer on the show so she is "in on it" which relieves me of any guilt.

OMG... to marry up witty and cutting rips with one of my favorite topics; cooking, crafts, housekeeping and cooking--basically all things Martha--is just plain good TV.

But in all honesty...
Could one of my chicas and I do it better? Hell yes!

Attention Ad Men & Marketing Mavens

If you have any stake at all in the results of your company/firm's marketing or advertising read on... If you want your ad to get legs you've simply got to get it online.

And a quality version too and named, tagged and SEOed for words that your target market is going to use in his/her search!

Here is a great example of an ad that made me laugh out loud and hunt for it. I spent a good 3-4 mins. Started with youtube and when that didn't work I hit the googler ultimately finding the link on a discussion board where people were talking about how funny it was and the link took me back to youtube.

Since then I found two versions of it (both on youtube...hmmm).

• The low quality video easily found on a discussion board (Again, fine people at Subway, people are talking about your ads.)
• The high quality version with a title that would have never occurred to me to use to search.

And Super Bowl Ad mavericks, I'll be keeping score to whose hunt-worthy ads I can find the fastest online.

Stay tuned. Pun intended.

That's a lotta douche

As context know that douche and all variants is one of my favorite non-curse pejoratives. Amy, my officemate and friend, was throwing some smack talk my way and so I returned the volley with a harsh "quit being such a douche." Needless to say she took issue.

But not only did she take issue, she was curious and threw douche into the Googler. She came upon a medical supply website that comes complete with instructions. We roared with laughter reading the instructions below and by the final douche I think all was forgiven.

1. Sterilize the Enema Set by keeping them in luke-warm water for 3 to 4 hours (overnight) and wash the douche can properly.
2. Fix the douche tube with douche bag by inserting bottom nozzle of douche bag in one end of douche tube.
3. Fix the stop cock* on the other end of douche tube.
4. Fill the douche bag with luke-warm water to be used for enema.
5. Fix the rectal/vagina** pipe with stop cock.
6. Place the douche bag at a height to ensure good flow of water.
7. Lubricate the Rectal/Vaginal pipe/nozzle with vaseline.***
8. Turn the knob to let the air out of the rubber tube.
9. Prepare yourself for enema. (Please ensure that you are in a good health and are able to carry enema activities.)
10. Insert the rectal/vaginal pipe into the anus/vagina and turn the knob of stop cork so that it allows flow of water through it.
11. Take out the rectal/vaginal pipe when enema is over. Wash again all the enema equipment with warm water.

*Stop cock... as if this could get any funnier.
**Notice that these instructions are for a multi-purpose douche, irrespective of your personal plumbing.
***Hmmm petroleum jelly is the generic term... use of Vaseline should be capitalized. tsk tsk tsk.

Good times Amy, good times.

The New Drunk Dial

The new drunk dial is drunk blogging.

You know what a good fundraising model is? All the wine you can drink with limited/strained hors d'oeuvres service.

Well done. I gave from the heart via the glass.

Hey CBS, tick tock tick tock

I don't know how FOX does it but nearly every week during the football season they seem to wrap up on time while CBS chronically runs long.

You've got a little over 200 days to get your act together until the 2009 season kicks off (pun intended)... I'm certain you can get some tips from the FOX sports team.

I was duped.

Yesterday, I showed up at a birthday party for Julie's (one of my BFF) youngest kidlet, Maggie. Julie and I had plans to hit the town after. I think I was probably her exit strategy to discourage hangers on. Julie is thoughtfully prudent with her invitations to events like this lest folks like me feel obligated to attend. I was kind of excited to get the invite. I like Maggie a lot and haven't seen a number of Julie's family members for a awhile and was looking forward to catching up.

However, that was not the party I stepped into. She said the party would run from 2:00-4:00 and I could come by anytime after 2:00. I was out and about running errands and arrived at about 2:20 and while I should have been tipped off by the mention of a Hannah Montana theme and the lack of cars in the driveway and street I entered boldly to find a herd of 4-year-old girls and none of the adults I was expecting.

That was a lot of little girls and I earned my cupcake and the two Guinness at dinner later. Yikes. Jule, you've now got your first entry. Next time I'll ask for the full guest list.

London Calling

Here is the summary of a recent discussion with my friend, Michele, as we--in a brunch induced haze--hatched the plan to head to the UK...

(Context: Michele is my Las Vegas subject matter expert and we've been talking about an trip to Vegas together for years)

KW: Ok, let's talk about this trip.
MD: Yeah, about that. I have to say, I'm kind of over Vegas and need a break. But I do have this new passport that needs a stamp.
KW: That's cool. I think I can help with that. If I'm being honest though, I gotta say, I'm kinda over the whole Mexico/Caribbean thing.
MD: Well, I've been doing some research and I think we can get to London and back for under a grand.
KW: Get out!
MD: Yep.
KW: OMG... let's do it. We're going to London.

In all honesty, this transcript wouldn't hold up in a court of law but it is directionally correct. Two items to note gentle reader are that I am going to London (am super pumped) and I think the fine people at Jensen's spike their syrup with just a little bit of crack-cocaine.