First ever online edition!

Someday. (sigh)

Some Christmas I will have it proofed perfectly and have it in your mailbox by December 23rd.

This was not that Christmas.

HOWEVER... this is the first year that I will publish an online copy of the Holiday Examiner--the holiday newsletter that launched the blog--for my web savvy nerds, my green tree-huggers, and any distant acquaintances who don't yet qualify a 42 cent stamp.

Peruse the .pdf courtesy of FreePDFHosting.com at your convenience and/or click through the album of featured photos online for higher quality pics courtesy of Picasa 3. What can I say, I'm closet geek. :)

Happy New Year!
xo
kw

No, you don't need glasses

Blast you Vista. You got me again.

Upon printing and picking up the 2008 Holiday Examiner this weekend I learned of new defect--er um enhancement--in Word 2007. While complete with some very sexy photo treatments they degrade the quality of picture exponentially. My fine friends a FedEx Kinko's (love them!) offered to rerun the job at no cost but it would have required I head home, tweak each pic, resend job then go back and pick up. Sorry readers... I said "Screw it."

Consider it like this, I am 35 now and if I were on TV they would be shooting me through a filter, perhaps cheesecloth even. Why should my sans celebrity life be any different?

Surely I jest. I've uploaded the original photos for your online viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

Holiday Dining Shame

The drive home was bad tonight. Not as bad as my friend Anti-Kristin had it but bad nonetheless. While I kept the road rage in check what spiralled out of control was my appetite. I got home and needed dinner now.

My cupboards slash fridge are not bare but they don't include enough independent ingredients to pull together a meal: egg noodles and cranberry sauce, cous cous and peanut butter, deli roast beef and yogurt... I think not.

Instead, I ate a dinner of Holiday rarities standing at the kitchen counter:

• Six pieces of headcheese with Saltines
• Two spritz (one tree, one wreath)
• One cut-out (Santa with red sugar)
• My last Harvest Moon ale

Truly a busy gal's dinner and the saddest part of all is that I love to cook and have mad skillz to boot. As soon as the roads clear I need a trip to the grocery store but until then I know I have enough for sustenance.

Thank God for the headcheese, just like in the old country.

Could this be...

...the most amazing celebrity comeback ever?

I just got home and saw the world premiere of Britney Spears' new video Circus and that tune along with Womanizer have me completely vexed.

Never a fan of Britney the teen years (version 1.0), disinterested during her rise to super stardom (v1.5), marveled at the grocery store headlines during the KFed and the crazy (v2.0), continued marvelling at the continued crazy and her downward spiral (v3.0) I am now shocked at the appeal of her tunes as she rises from the ashes--version 4.oh?

While not ready to commit the .99 cents yet, I may actually need a track for my ipod. I think they might fit right into my Girl Power Dance Party mix for when I boogie vacuum.

Peyton and I discussed it...

Not since the Samuel L. Jackson/Snakes on a Plane voice mails have I seen a personalized marketing message that made me laugh this hard.

Send some advice from you and Peyton to someone you love--or even someone you don't like.

The process puke in me especially loves Peyton's blocking in the video so that the variable words can run against one single video thread. Priceless indeed.

Fast fingers make for great typos.

We have an instant messaging system at work to aid in collaboration across departments and locations. As a championship multi-tasker this is a tool I love; I can have four little blinking screens going at once resolving four different questions or hunting down data.

But with increased WIP and speed, quality suffers but not without a chuckle. Here are the top three typos of the week including intended word and a definition for the new derivative.

• Antidepresents (intended word: antidepressants)
  noun: these are gifts that actually make the recipient sad/depressed.
• Retarted (intended word: retarded)
  adjective: mildly deficient dessert in the tart family.
• Brasiest (intended word: busiest)
  adjective: the fastest bra around

That last typo was the most indicative of the week.

This Week in Pumpkin: Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale

Courtesy of the fine people at the Blue Moon Brewing Company (their website is worth the click) I have been gluttonously indulging in their autumn brew, Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale. This drinks quite simply like a frosty fall symphony in a glass.

The flavors are so subtle and complex I am almost compelled to describe them with the pretentious alternate spelling--flavour. Warm pumpkin, earthy fall spices, the tiniest whiff of sweetness all with without sacrificing a hearty heaping helping of rich beer flavor.

In the event you prefer something closer to a traditional, eastern European Oktoberfest fair try Affligem. Slightly less interesting on the palate but no less delicious. By the way... the history of the beer is equally delightful.

No recipe required here campers... just sit, sip and savor.

This is not a NAMBLA joke*

November is National Blog Posting Month, abbreviated ever so succinctly as NaBloPoMo, and I am committing to get on board and aspiring toward success.

This means one blog entry a day, everyday, for the month of November. Today is the fourth and I should have four on the books. And even though I just found out about it today (putting me behind by one for those of you keeping score) I am committing to wrap the month with 30 posts to show for it.

Comment early and often; Blogging is much like Field of Dreams--if you write it they will come.


For those who follow The Daily Show the NAMBLA joke is for you. :)

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong that the election coverage I am most anticipating this evening is the Stewart/Colbert coverage? I mean I'm plenty interested it's just that I prefer my coverage with a little more levity.

Close your PC and get out and use your voice today... Vote.

This Week in Pumpkin: Caribbean Pumpkin and Black Bean Soup

An easy soup I whipped on a chilly Sunday for a visit from my Madagascar travel buddy and favorite vegetarian Joanna. Super easy and uniquely tasty.

Ingredients:
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 15-ounce can pure pumpkin puree
1 15-ounce can black beans, drained
1 14-ounce can light unsweetened coconut milk
1 cup canned vegetable broth
4 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
2 teaspoons fresh lime juice
3/4 teaspoon grated lime peel

Preparation:
Stir cumin in heavy medium saucepan over medium heat 30 seconds. Add pumpkin, beans, coconut milk, broth and 3 tablespoons cilantro. Bring soup to boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer 3 minutes to blend flavors. Mix in lime juice and lime peel. Season soup with salt and pepper. Ladle soup into bowls. Sprinkle with remaining 1 tablespoon cilantro.

Hurray for Layaway!

I miss the nostalgia of simpler times from my childhood and it seems like I was probably a kid when I last heard the term layaway. With so many Americans swimming in bills and drowning in debt I could not be more thrilled to see the Kmart marketing a tried and true tactic for troubled pocketbooks. Kmart is reviving layaway.

I want to give Kmart a retail hug. A reverse boycott… a supportcott!!!

For the rest of 2008 Kmart will be the recipient of my discount retail dollars. Join me in this blue light brigade in support of their layaway program and honor the pay now and get later priorities of our parents and grandparents in favor of the get now and pay later mentality that can be an express checkout into trouble.

My Kind of Town, Chicago Is.

I just got back from my first grown up weekend in Chicago (I’d been before as a kid [Great America] and in 2000 on a 14 week project in the suburbs) and an awesome stay at the Brown B&B.

The hospitality of the proprietors is eclipsed only by their company—and perhaps their adorable four-legged bell-hop Jackson. We had bluebird weather and the most amazing city as a backdrop to our exciting agenda. I would upload pictures but I am on the couch but my camera is two rooms and my feet still hurt.

• Friday: An early morning flight had me in the Windy City in time for a brownstone stroll from Kate’s to lunch. Then a city tour and wine and snack replenishment before settling in one of Chicago’s fine pubs, Halligan Bar where the Guinness flows freely for $3 a glass. We spent a while there then dined on pizza.
• Saturday: A leisurely breakfast and coffee was the fuel we needed for a Chicago Segway Tour along the lake front. It takes a while to get the hang of it but dang it is fun! And makes shocking use of every little ligament and tendon in your feet and ankles. Sunshine and the 7.5mph wind in our hair (top speed) plus a spicy Mexican lunch and strong margarita’s at El Jardin Café required a nap to recover. We dined at Calo Ristorante for dinner where we had the most amazing lobster ravioli. And tiramisu take out dessert for later.
• Sunday: A 12-minute stroll to the Addison El station, directly behind Wrigley Field, where we picked up the Red Line to take us to Soldier Field for the Bears versus Vikings. I had heard ahead of time that Bears fans could be, er, um difficult but that was not the case. We found ourselves surrounded by good humored fans who tolerated my purple pride. Dinner at Vines on Clark and it was time to pack and brave the traffic to O’Hare.

My quality time with Kate and Jason at the Brown B&B had come to an end but memories that will last a lifetime, pictures that I’ll share soon and cravings that will haunt me until I can visit again.

This Week in Pumpkin: Pumpkin Bread Pudding

You know you really love to cook when you pop out of work during lunch to drive 35 blocks to a bakery to pick up and ingredient for a recipe. So when my Friday workday pinched my cooking timeline ahead of the dinner I was going to there was no way I was going to let $8 in brioche go to waste.

Enter this fantastic Sunday half-time snack. It followed roasted squash soup and roasted chicken breast and was enjoyed side by side with four of my favorite meal companions--Mom, Lance, Sarah and Sophie.*

I am including a link to the original recipe but posting the recipe with my superior modifications.

Pumpkin Bread Pudding
2 cups half and half
1 15-ounce can pure pumpkin
1 cup (packed) plus 2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground cardamom (kw tweak)
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 tablespoon orange zest (kw tweak)
10 cups 1/2-inch cubes egg bread (about 10-ounces)

Vanilla Caramel sauce
1 1/4 cups (packed) brown sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
1 small vanilla bean split lenghtwise (kw tweak)
1/2 cup whipping cream
Powdered sugar

For bread pudding: Preheat oven to 350°F. Whisk half and half, pumpkin, dark brown sugar, eggs, pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon and vanilla extract in large bowl to blend. Fold in bread cubes. Stir in golden raisins. Transfer mixture to 11x7-inch glass baking dish. Let stand 15 minutes. Bake pumpkin bread pudding until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 40 minutes.

Meanwhile, prepare caramel sauce: Whisk brown sugar and butter in heavy medium saucepan over medium heat until butter melts. Scrape seeds from bean with a knife into cream and add to pan. Whisk in cream and stir until sugar dissolves and sauce is smooth, about 3 minutes.

Sift powdered sugar over bread pudding. Serve warm with caramel sauce.

*Dad is out of town hunting.

Peak Season

As soon as the gourds begin to swell and dot the landscape with orange my palate turns to all things pumpkin. Yesterday was an excellent example of my autumn weakness—two of my three meals contained a pumpkin feature. The graph* below is an illustrative example of the dramatic spike in my consumption.



Last year I made a special effort to test one new pumpkin recipe a week… this year I will endeavor to do the same and keep you posted on the winners. This week’s rundown was anchored by my annual favorite Bruegger’s offering, their pumpkin bagel with pumpkin cream cheese. So good, my annual Bruegger’s consumption probably mirrors the graph above. Oooh sooo good.

*Maximum of 21 on y-axis representing approximate weekly opportunities of three meals per day times seven days in a week.

Adage Snobbery

Okay... there are a few topics that inspire true snobbery on my part and adages is one of them. There are so many to choose from and they are such a colorful depiction of a situation that using them inappropriately is like using the orange crayon to color a banana.

One of the most frequent (and annoying) infractions I hear is interchanging/misusing the two clarified below.

• elephant in the room n. A very large issue that everyone is acutely aware of, but nobody wants to talk about. Perhaps a sore spot, perhaps politically incorrect, or perhaps a political hot potato, it's something that no one wants to touch with a ten foot pole.
• 800-pound gorilla n. An overbearing entity in a specific industry or sphere of activity. A seemingly unbeatable presence always to be reckoned with; whose experience, influence, and skill threatens to defeat competitors with little effort.

Come one people... get your exotic animals and their fictional social situations straight.

Someone is Always Listening

Sometimes I need a little mental sorbet. Something to just clear out my mental palate and what better than the comedy of people watching without leaving my cube. Enter overheardinminneapolis.com. A site for people to post the oddities they overhear on any given day anywhere they might hear it. Think of it as voyeurism for you ears.

And sometimes they just come to me... This is a transcript between my friend Kate and I at work. Some of our better work indeed. While longer than your typical overheard snippit, the whole chat lasted maybe three minutes.

Kristen Weingart... grammar check...
Kate Brown/MN... ah yes - my favorite subject
Kristen Weingart... was I lying in bed last night
Kristen Weingart... or was I laying in bed last night.
Kristen Weingart... (and i was neither fibbing or getting my grove on.. simply prone.)
Kate Brown/MN... wait...I know this one - there's a trick to it
Kate Brown/MN... LMAO
Kate Brown/MN... I think people lay and objects lie, but I'm not sure
Kate Brown/MN... checking though
Kate Brown/MN... except that my computer has ground to a halt...ah, here we go
Kate Brown/MN... it appears, though I have to check one more thing, that you lie in bed
Kate Brown/MN... you lay when your action has a recipient, or object, as the grammatical term would be
Kate Brown/MN... lie down
Kate Brown/MN... lay something on the counter
Kristen Weingart... excellent.
Kristen Weingart... so i was lying in bed?
Kate Brown/MN... which makes sense when you think of it in the carnal sense...it always has an object (usually the speaker)
Kate Brown/MN... yes, it is now confirmed
Kate Brown/MN... you were lying in bed
Kate Brown/MN... if you were laying in bed, we would need to know who the object was to satisfy the grammatical requirement
Kristen Weingart... wow... there are so may double entendre options it is staggering.
Kate Brown/MN... I know - it's hard to choose just one
Kristen Weingart... well i can let this one lay...
Kristen Weingart... as for lying in bed... I never fake it.
Kristen Weingart... LOL
Kate Brown/MN... no...you'd have to let it lie
Kate Brown/MN... LOL
Kristen Weingart... wait.. isn't the object satisfied by 'double entendre'
Kate Brown/MN... it is...but for the verb "to let," not the verb "to lie"
Kristen Weingart... thanks.
Kate Brown/MN... no problem

Ten Days

I don’t often legitimize my personal top tens by actually formalizing lists but when a friend of mine recently called me on the carpet for gushing cavalierly "this day is one of my favorite days of the year" it inspired a more thoughtful review to see if I could come up with ten.

Here is where I landed:
1. Thanksgiving Day
2. The Day After Thanksgiving (Christmas tree goes up during 007 Marathon on SpikeTV)
3. Christmas Eve
4. The first Sunday in July (it is usually the first day on the lake fishing)
5. The NFL season opener
6. The Cole Fantasy League draft party
7. Every day I get to spend with Sophie
8. The day I hit the Renaissance Fair with my peeps
9. The first significant snow when I don’t have to work
10. Any day I debut a new pair of shoes

Putting the 'W' in WTF

Dear Lord in heaven is this my October surprise? http://www.wthefilm.com/

I might have to buy a ticket just to see:

• Richard Dreyfuss as Dick Cheney
• Thandie Newton as Condolezza Rice
• Rob Corddry as Ari Fleischer

Playing W for Brolin had to have been more mentally tormenting than playing the Joker for Ledger. If Brolin gets even half as close as John Stewart's version of Bushy's snarky laugh... Give him the Oscar.

Shine Your Badge

This is the phrase Sarah, my sister-in-law, uses with me if I am shirking a compliment or behaving overly humble. I had a minor domestic disaster this weekend which upon the after action review I feel compelled to pull out the polish and a soft cloth.

At about 3:00AM Saturday morning I awoke to a noise. Realizing I had fallen asleep watching the news I turned off the TV and snuggled down to resume my regularly scheduled slumber. With the TV quieted I heard from downstairs a very loud and persistent whooshing noise—the whooshing noise that even half asleep I could tell was rushing water.

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter… When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a large pool of water on my living room floor.

Alas, my water softener (circa 1985) had given up the main seal at the top of the tank. I hit the pool of water and began a sprint to the kitchen only then to execute the perfect cartoon fall in the living room. You know the one where your legs somehow slip forward out from underneath you and you hang horizontally in mid-air for a moment before you hit the floor flat on some combination of your back and butt. I pulled myself up, now sopping wet, and quickly (yet carefully) padded into the laundry room behind the kitchen to access the water main. With each crank of the valve the gushing diminished.

The floor was my number one priority… pooling water is the archenemy of laminate wood floor. Thankfully there was a pile of dirty towels in the laundry room. I sopped and wiped and repeated before I positioned a fan to finish the work I couldn’t. I decided that the collateral damage of paint cans and Christmas decorations would be better handled I the light of day. Off to bed—after all it was only 3:45.

I spent the better part of Saturday cleaning up the mess and drying things out and during that time I realized how well I had handled this little snafu.

• I did not cry, not once. Not only that but I remained calm.
• I knew where all the shut-offs were and on Saturday when it came time to turn the water to the house back on and by-pass the water softener I knew how to, and had the tools to loosen up frozen valves.
• I have enough savings on hand to buy a new softener without feeling even a pinch.

Yeah, I kinda rock.

Pure Bliss

A second cup of coffee steaming in my hand, the FOX pregame show* buzzing through the tv, a cool breeze billowing the drapes complemented by a crisp Sunday paper warming my lap—if this isn’t heaven I don’t know what is.

We have now entered the sweet sixteen. The best 16 weeks the year has to offer. And Entourage starts tonight again to boot.

*Now featuring a weekly dose of Michael Strahan. Yum.

Stink-eye

I don’t abide rudeness and stink-eye is my version of the ‘Withering Glace’ these two writers so aptly title their column in the Tribune. Needless to say, I was delighted to read today that I am not alone.

In summary; take a shower, put your cell phone away and shut your cakehole.

Can you feel it?

Oh the difference a day makes.
They barely drained the grease from the fryers at the Fair before a morning downpour washed away the residue of summer. Good riddance.

The coolness in the air can only mean that the best 16 weeks of the year are just around the corner. Bring on the Fall with all of it’s sights, smells and sounds--and sleeping with the windows open.

RETRO-ENTRY: Muddy in Madagascar

Editors note: Retro-entry is a term I am coining right now to account for time bound entries that I wrote either mentally or with actual pen and paper but were unable to post at the time.

Back-story: I composed this update to family and friends while in Madagascar but my update efforts were thwarted by connectivity issues. (two words: dial-up)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Greetings from the Big Red Island! Madagascar is nicknamed the Big Red Island after the red clay earth that seems to get everywhere.

After a long journey I landed safe and sound in Madagascar with my luggage. The team is great and gelling. It is actually quite a fun social experiment to watch people come together and observe how quickly they (correction: we) form our own short-hand of inside jokes.

The Malagasy people are very warm and welcoming. I am learning that the only thing worse than my French is my Malagache. I do try though.

I can’t type long as this French keyboard will be the death of me--you won't believe where they put the Q. Here are a few early highlights relevant to a number of my contributors:

• Mom & Laura: The flowers and birds here are amazing. Poinsettias a story high, orchids abound and bird songs that are like music
• Julie: Rice. Lots and lots of rice. This would be your rice heaven.
• Sarah: I have been healthy so far and have not needed anything from my medication bag although I am so glad to have it and the second box of Wet Wipes.
• Lance, Jason, Jen: There is a guy on the team who speaks WOW—much better that me actually (wouldn’t take much)—so I can indulge my inner geek as needed.
• Kirk: The night-life/bar scene is sketchy above my risk tolerance but never fear, I am drinking the local brew exclusively. Three Horses Beer (THB on the street) is a nice light pilsner that comes in 65cl bottles which I affectionately, albeit incorrectly, refer to as 40’s.
• Michele: Madagascar is rife with comic sans. So much so that I am convinced it is holding the country back.

I can’t recall a time when I have ever been this dirty; I spent the day in a trench laying six courses of brick foundation (alternating with my wingman Joanna). A shower and a THB are waiting for me at the hotel… along with some rice.

Having fun, wish you were here. Thanks for making the trip possible.

Predictions and Promises

Prediction: By this time next week I will be very sore and a whole new kind of tired...but in a good way.
Prediction: I’ll see a thing or two that I’ve never seen before and might never again.
Prediction: This upcoming adventure will no doubt result in stories to regale you with later.

What I could not have predicted was the generosity of my family and friends. You stunned and humbled me with your contributions. You contributed almost 70% of the nearly $4000 I needed to make the trip. Your kind and generous contributions have made this possible and in return you have purchased a subscription to whatever updates I can ticketty-tap-tap-tap out whilst abroad.

In addition to the financial contributions you have all been very generous with the well wishes and travel advice and as a result of what I heard:

• I promise to steer clear of animals higher on the food chain than me.
• I promise to lift with my legs, measure once and cut twice.
• I promise to immerse myself in the culture and embrace the adventure.
• I promise to always travel with a buddy.
• I promise to come home safe and sound.

VelOOM, Mandra piOON
(Good-bye, see you again)

Cool Drink for Hot Daze

I think I'm in trouble. I have long been a mojito fan and just stumbled across this delicious bastardization while searching for a boozy slush recipe for the up coming Fourth of July weekend. I found this tasty marriage of the two, made a couple modification and voila...

Mojito Slushy*

2 limes, zested
1/2 cup fresh lime juice (coincidentally about two limes)
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup fresh mint leaves, firmly packed
3/4 to 1 cup light rum
6 cups ice
Mint sprigs and lime wedges, for garnish

Heat the honey in the microwave just for few seconds to liquefy and pour into the blender. Add lime zest, lime juice, mint leaves, and rum into a blender and blend until smooth. Add ice to fill blender and blend until slushy. Spoon into glasses; garnish with a sprig of mint and a lime slice.

*Adapted from Tyler Florence's recipe on foodnetwork.com where he calls for making a simple syrup and using 1 cup of it over my honey substitute... I'm all like, hey Tyler I wore dirty clothes to work last week... I need to get my drink on and don't have time to eff around with a simple syrup.

I Love Big Balls

And I cannot lie.

I am screaming with laughter watching ABC premiere its newest summer filler. A primetime, reality contest show called Wipeout.

It is a timed obstacle course—frankly obstacle course is an understatement. One of the obstacles is series of four huge red rubber balls (panicked dodge ball flashbacks anyone?) and these people are taking some spectacular spills off of and pinballing down between these balls as they fall into the pool below.

Oh and to add to the humor, providing color commentary is on John Henson who served as Greg Kinnear’s successor (and quite frankly upgrade) on E’s laugh riot talk show summary, Talk Soup.

Seriously, I am laughing so hard I think I just peed a little… better get on that laundry.

Airing my Dirty Laundry… Literally

Today’s outfit was brought to you by the letters D and L as in dirty laundry—or on the DL after this true confession.

Gentle readers I have been over scheduled and over stimulated lately, am exhausted and behind on all things personal. Today, my entire outfit was fished out of the dirty laundry and fluffed in the dryer. Fortunately I don’t have BO and despite my shame I was still lookin' good.

The high point of the day was when my pod-mate at work jokingly and incredulously asked me “Is that what you’re wearing?” to a special recognition lunch with one of our executives. When he reads this he’ll know how truly funny his comment was.

I can feel Clinton, Stacy and Tim Gunn disapproving of me.

Summer Fun

Had my first summeresque weekend with a visit to the cabin with the extended family and I can’t think of a better way to express simple lazy summer days that with a trio of haiku.

hear baby giggles
tickled feet by fresh green grass
pontoon with cigar

hammock swaying breeze
warm sun cold margarita
board game laughter roars

sunny wind swept hair
ipod shuff’ling favorites
relaxing drive home

Off Pace

No campers, I'm not boycotting salsa; I'm taking a midyear assessment of my blogging performance. It can be summed up in two words: Dead Red.

When I began I had this vision of posting twice a week (no laughing, a girl has to have a vision) and as we are wrapping week 24 tomorrow I should have 48 posts. Alas... I am a sad, sad, 27% of target and hence dead red or in this case dead read. It’s not that this blogging thing is hard per se but it is challenging aligning the topic, the words and the fingers on the key board all at the same time.

Nevertheless… we reassess and recommit and I've got some pearls in the pipeline so set your RSS to stun and comment early and often.

Dang.

He's still got it!
Flipping through the channels I fell upon Neil Diamond singing on American Idol, pimping a new CD he's 'dropping' on May 6th. He's singing a new... yes... new... single called 'Pretty Amazing Grace.' And pretty amazing is an understatement.

Way to go Neil. Allow me to reiterate--Dang.

P.S. It appears to me that Neil is aging quite handsomely and unassisted by chemical/surgical intervention; perhaps he could advise Barry Manilow.

An old friend with a new twist

Last night after our Spring pilgrimage to the Albertville outlet mall Michele, one of my best girlfriends, and I tracked down some dinner. Both in the mood for a burger we hit Grumpy's Bar and Grill where we split two of the most unique and tastiest burgers I can ever recall. Behold...

• Southern Style "The Elvis": Black Angus grilled to order and topped with peanut butter and crispy bacon. Don't judge, this one must be sampled then assessed.
• Cream Cheese Burger: Char grilled perfection topped with a healthy dollop of cream cheese laced with chives, garlic and bacon.

Don't walk; run to Grumpy's to satisfy your next hamburger hankering.

Sophie Chronicles: Day Two

Today was day two with little miss Sophie and I have been watching her closely. She has a few makeshift toys at antie Kristen's house that she enjoys but they seem to be lacking. I decided after Lance came to pick her up today that I would go on the hunt for a special present. She needed a toy that:

1. Has buttons, like the remote control.
2. Has blinking lights and colors like the phone.
3. Had a chewable, child-friendly surface--unlike either of the above.

This is what I do, I am a careful student of my nearest and dearest to compile enough data to find the perfect and unexpected gift. I found just such a gift for Sophie at target--a little trinket from our good friends at Baby Einstein. This gift is special because it's the first one I am buying her based on actually 'knowing' her.

I think she'll like it... I'll let you know.

Niece in a Box

The phrase made famous by the SNL short (Note: link takes viewer to uncensored content... when viewing it won't be 'bleep' in a box) here is a similar take on my first full day watching my niece Sophie. Old school play pen courtesy of Ikea.


We had fun today... she was extremely patient with me.

And the winner is...

I mentioned in my Christmas letter my new obsession with recipe/food tasting judging contests and Easter Sunday was the perfect opportunity to get cooking. It was the Hollandaise showdown and classic Eggs Benedict was my canvas.

Lance and Sarah--my willing diners and seasoned judges--and I tasted four different Hollandaise sauces using three different methods. The winning recipe, featured below, was the most tasty and the easiest to pull off:

Blender Hollandaise Sauce

INGREDIENTS
3 egg yolks
1/4 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 dash hot pepper sauce (e.g. Tabasco™)
1/2 cup butter

DIRECTIONS
In the container of a blender, combine the egg yolks, mustard, lemon juice and hot pepper sauce. Cover, and blend for about 5 seconds. Place the butter in a glass measuring cup. Heat butter in the microwave for about 1 minute, or until completely melted and hot. Set the blender on high speed, and pour the butter into the egg yolk mixture in a thin stream. It should thicken almost immediately. Keep the sauce warm until serving by placing the blender container in a pan of hot tap water.

The runners up were; 2nd place, Cub Foods sauce mix, 3rd place, Knorr (by Lipton) sauce mix and the 4th place, Good Housekeeping classic recipe proved too lemony for Benedict but I suspect it would brighten up the spring asparagus harvest.

Pigg vs. Pig

Well, it finally happened, after nearly 20 years with an unblemished driving record I received my first moving violation yesterday. I rock 'n rolled a stop sign at an intersection that had tumbleweed rolling through it. A po-po was waiting for me around the corner.

The funny thing is that I was truly just lost in the day. It was a beautiful blue-sky Friday at 4:30 and my spring fever is in high gear. Was headed over to the rents house for some dinner and quality time with my niece Sophie. Here is where it gets a little weird... I was completely engrossed in this interview on the radio with a current favorite musician of mine, Landon Pigg.

Curious that I was busted by the pig while listening to the Pigg and not a strip of bacon anywhere.

In a word... Eeewww

After putting the vacuum together and took it for a test drive in my living room. Below is a picture of my results. Allow me to give you some context:

• I live alone.
• I have no pets.
• I have wood floor laminate throughout my first floor.
• I take my shoes off in the foyer and spend my time barefoot or in socks.
• I have actually vacuumed before.

These are the results of vacumming a 4x7 patch of a 3-year-old wool area rug.

Needless to say my new Dyson sucks big time... in a good way.

Worth every penny!

Conflicted and Torn

After four days of troubleshooting my new PC decided to take it back and start over. Am relieved to know that it was not user error but a manufacturer defect. While out running errands I cashed in some gift cards at Target and bought a long coveted Dyson vacuum.

Here's my dilemma... surf or vacuum. Surf or vacuum?
By the looks of my living room carpet I think the decision is easy: vacuum.

Vista Can Suck It

I am hate, Hate, HATIN' on Vista.
Microsofts OCD for 'security' has completely ruined my new computer experience.
I am so angry all the curse words I know, in more than a few languages, plus a few primal screams have not helped.

Note to Microsoft... I can understand what your trying to do. Next time release two versions:

• 1.0 For retards and drunken monkeys. You can employ a new packaging concept of a crayon font with the 'R' backwards.
• 2.0 For normal, non-paranoid users who don't need this over secure piece of shite...

Help me Technorati, you're our only hope.

Unorganized Bliss

Tonight I am pecking out this entry basking in the blue glow of my new HP laptop. It is a bittersweet post and could have been composed a full 80 minutes sooner. The set up was seamless and truly as simple as the 1-2-3 illustrated inside the box however I had it in my head that I would need to install my Comcast disk onto the PC and I have torn my house apart looking for the CD.

I knew exactly where it was... in theory. I recall sliding it in the the envelop with the drivers for my modem and putting them in the file cabinet. Alas, there is only a modem disk in that envelop. I have torn through the house and have found every other set of drivers but not my trusty Comcast CD.

Through the cursing and rifling I could hear my new PC beckoning me so I came down to see if there was any way to access the Internet at all without the Comcast disk of Wonder and much to my delight here I am! My first action on my new PC was to tell you all the story of how truly disorganized I am at home. No shock to my family.

I still won't rest until I have found that d@mn disk. It's personal now.

Welcome Back!

The Welcome Back, Kotter tune rambling through my head is appropriate for this post today. It looks as though the Writers Guild of America strike is coming to an end. HURRAH!!!

Our favorite late night shows could be current as early as Wednesday night. Other shows with a longer production lead time could be back on by early April. Granted, some epics (e.g. Heroes, 24) will likely wait until fall to get back in the saddle but as long a mama gets a little candy things will be just fine.

I would be remiss in my shout out to the 70’s with out paying homage the author of one of my favorite generic ‘oh sh*t’ lines, ‘We’re gonna need a bigger boat.’ Roy Scheider, famous for the line as Chief Martin Brody in Jaws, died yesterday—he was 75.

Would I be too much of a geek slash TV junkie if I admitted I never missed SeaQuest DSV?

Stale

I can’t believe we turned the calendar to February today. January came and went without seeing a single blog post. I have composed a dozen or so in my head but alas they have yet to hit the screen.

January took a toll on me—as I notified many of you that it would. Between work, holiday carryover and clean-up and the mere act of keeping warm there were nights where it was all I could do to pour a glass of wine much less log-on.

Never fear gentle reader; I will do better in February. After all... I'll have a whole extra day.