Google knows.

I think it knows too much actually.

Here I sit, laptop in the couch nook listening to So You Think You Can Dance on the TV. I hear the TV cut to commercial and the voice of Michael Strahan and I perk up--part NFL pre-season hopes part crush. He's doing a commercial for Dr. Pepper and how he loves the delicious mix of the 23 flavors.

I think, "hmmm... 23?" So I tickety tickety tap tap tap it into the googler. I get as far as 2-3-_-f-l- and Google fills in the rest and with one click, here's the list.

The 23 flavors/ingredients of the famous Dr. Pepper soda secret...

1. Amaretto
2. Almond
3. Blackberry
4. Black Licorice
5. Carrot
6. Clove
7. Cherry
8. Caramel
9. Cola
10. Ginger
11. Juniper
12. Lemon
13. Molasses
14. Nutmeg
15. Orange
16. Prune
17. Plum
18. Pepper
19. Root Beer
20. Rum
21. Raspberry
22. Tomato
23. Vanilla
    

Did Google know what I was watching? I'll have to plug that into the googler next.

Dear Ticketmaster

I would have more respect for you if instead of an $8.75/ticket "convenience" fee you just called it profit, overhead, jets, genital waxing.... whatever it is you do with the money.

Because frankly I cannont fathom just who exactly you're conveniencing with this crap.

What can you say about Brett Favre?

You can say a lotta things about Brett Favre but you can't say that he doesn't laugh at himself. Just saw this Sears commercial during one of the most emotionally charged games of his career.




And if this one doesn't get your chuckler moving, check out the one with the outtakes.

Me = bad ass

Okay, I got rid of the crazy girl at the bottom of the pink menace in favor of this colorful sketchy number that feels more like a beloved notepad or journal which really appeals to me.

I'm a bad ass because I actually had to tweak the html code to get the title and subheading to fit properly at the top of the page and I figgered it out all on my own within just a few minutes.

Yeah, I rock.

P.S. Who the heck is that???

Okay, so now I just happened to scroll to the bottom of the page and there is a woman laying on a couch. She wasn't there when I downloaded it. What the ...!!!

Ugh, I'll hit the drawing board again in a day or so... Maybe I'll find something with pumpkins, after all tomorrow September begins.

Yay September!

Oh you silly internet

I opened the computer tonight to do three things...

1. Check email. Check.
2. Update Facebook. Check.

What was the third thing... hmmm... 1.5 hours and a new blog template later I remembered that I was going to price shop some a new refrigerators.

Good lord there is a lot on the internets.

Officer, I swear it was an accident.

I have had a pretty bad cold for the past few days. Seriously bad, raw spot on my nose bad (from blowing/wiping)--this is a first.

One the way home from work yesterday, I was finally starting to perk up a bit and it was positively gorgeous outside so I had all the windows down and the roof open for the commute home. All was well and good until I hit the highway, I had not properly calculated the air currents rolling through my vehicle nor reconciled them to the mass of the stack of used Kleenexes (a proprietary eponym and a victim of genericide) and out the windows they floated and flew.

Making me... a litterer. At least my tabs are current.

The upcoming rain eases my conscience that they won't become part of home for some adorable woodland creature or bird.

Summer Maintenance

This is some comical marketing from our friends at Schick. The American commercial is quite subtle while the UK advert is a little more... er, um, shall we say obvious.

Considering my salty feud with Gillette this might be enough to turn me into a Schick girl.

Currently playing on American TV


The UK Version...


Wow. All I have to say is wow.

Attention Ad Men & Marketing Mavens

If you have any stake at all in the results of your company/firm's marketing or advertising read on... If you want your ad to get legs you've simply got to get it online.

And a quality version too and named, tagged and SEOed for words that your target market is going to use in his/her search!

Here is a great example of an ad that made me laugh out loud and hunt for it. I spent a good 3-4 mins. Started with youtube and when that didn't work I hit the googler ultimately finding the link on a discussion board where people were talking about how funny it was and the link took me back to youtube.

Since then I found two versions of it (both on youtube...hmmm).

• The low quality video easily found on a discussion board (Again, fine people at Subway, people are talking about your ads.)
• The high quality version with a title that would have never occurred to me to use to search.

And Super Bowl Ad mavericks, I'll be keeping score to whose hunt-worthy ads I can find the fastest online.

Stay tuned. Pun intended.

That's a lotta douche

As context know that douche and all variants is one of my favorite non-curse pejoratives. Amy, my officemate and friend, was throwing some smack talk my way and so I returned the volley with a harsh "quit being such a douche." Needless to say she took issue.

But not only did she take issue, she was curious and threw douche into the Googler. She came upon a medical supply website that comes complete with instructions. We roared with laughter reading the instructions below and by the final douche I think all was forgiven.

1. Sterilize the Enema Set by keeping them in luke-warm water for 3 to 4 hours (overnight) and wash the douche can properly.
2. Fix the douche tube with douche bag by inserting bottom nozzle of douche bag in one end of douche tube.
3. Fix the stop cock* on the other end of douche tube.
4. Fill the douche bag with luke-warm water to be used for enema.
5. Fix the rectal/vagina** pipe with stop cock.
6. Place the douche bag at a height to ensure good flow of water.
7. Lubricate the Rectal/Vaginal pipe/nozzle with vaseline.***
8. Turn the knob to let the air out of the rubber tube.
9. Prepare yourself for enema. (Please ensure that you are in a good health and are able to carry enema activities.)
10. Insert the rectal/vaginal pipe into the anus/vagina and turn the knob of stop cork so that it allows flow of water through it.
11. Take out the rectal/vaginal pipe when enema is over. Wash again all the enema equipment with warm water.

*Stop cock... as if this could get any funnier.
**Notice that these instructions are for a multi-purpose douche, irrespective of your personal plumbing.
***Hmmm petroleum jelly is the generic term... use of Vaseline should be capitalized. tsk tsk tsk.

Good times Amy, good times.

First ever online edition!

Someday. (sigh)

Some Christmas I will have it proofed perfectly and have it in your mailbox by December 23rd.

This was not that Christmas.

HOWEVER... this is the first year that I will publish an online copy of the Holiday Examiner--the holiday newsletter that launched the blog--for my web savvy nerds, my green tree-huggers, and any distant acquaintances who don't yet qualify a 42 cent stamp.

Peruse the .pdf courtesy of FreePDFHosting.com at your convenience and/or click through the album of featured photos online for higher quality pics courtesy of Picasa 3. What can I say, I'm closet geek. :)

Happy New Year!
xo
kw

Peyton and I discussed it...

Not since the Samuel L. Jackson/Snakes on a Plane voice mails have I seen a personalized marketing message that made me laugh this hard.

Send some advice from you and Peyton to someone you love--or even someone you don't like.

The process puke in me especially loves Peyton's blocking in the video so that the variable words can run against one single video thread. Priceless indeed.

This is not a NAMBLA joke*

November is National Blog Posting Month, abbreviated ever so succinctly as NaBloPoMo, and I am committing to get on board and aspiring toward success.

This means one blog entry a day, everyday, for the month of November. Today is the fourth and I should have four on the books. And even though I just found out about it today (putting me behind by one for those of you keeping score) I am committing to wrap the month with 30 posts to show for it.

Comment early and often; Blogging is much like Field of Dreams--if you write it they will come.


For those who follow The Daily Show the NAMBLA joke is for you. :)

Someone is Always Listening

Sometimes I need a little mental sorbet. Something to just clear out my mental palate and what better than the comedy of people watching without leaving my cube. Enter overheardinminneapolis.com. A site for people to post the oddities they overhear on any given day anywhere they might hear it. Think of it as voyeurism for you ears.

And sometimes they just come to me... This is a transcript between my friend Kate and I at work. Some of our better work indeed. While longer than your typical overheard snippit, the whole chat lasted maybe three minutes.

Kristen Weingart... grammar check...
Kate Brown/MN... ah yes - my favorite subject
Kristen Weingart... was I lying in bed last night
Kristen Weingart... or was I laying in bed last night.
Kristen Weingart... (and i was neither fibbing or getting my grove on.. simply prone.)
Kate Brown/MN... wait...I know this one - there's a trick to it
Kate Brown/MN... LMAO
Kate Brown/MN... I think people lay and objects lie, but I'm not sure
Kate Brown/MN... checking though
Kate Brown/MN... except that my computer has ground to a halt...ah, here we go
Kate Brown/MN... it appears, though I have to check one more thing, that you lie in bed
Kate Brown/MN... you lay when your action has a recipient, or object, as the grammatical term would be
Kate Brown/MN... lie down
Kate Brown/MN... lay something on the counter
Kristen Weingart... excellent.
Kristen Weingart... so i was lying in bed?
Kate Brown/MN... which makes sense when you think of it in the carnal sense...it always has an object (usually the speaker)
Kate Brown/MN... yes, it is now confirmed
Kate Brown/MN... you were lying in bed
Kate Brown/MN... if you were laying in bed, we would need to know who the object was to satisfy the grammatical requirement
Kristen Weingart... wow... there are so may double entendre options it is staggering.
Kate Brown/MN... I know - it's hard to choose just one
Kristen Weingart... well i can let this one lay...
Kristen Weingart... as for lying in bed... I never fake it.
Kristen Weingart... LOL
Kate Brown/MN... no...you'd have to let it lie
Kate Brown/MN... LOL
Kristen Weingart... wait.. isn't the object satisfied by 'double entendre'
Kate Brown/MN... it is...but for the verb "to let," not the verb "to lie"
Kristen Weingart... thanks.
Kate Brown/MN... no problem