That's a lotta douche

As context know that douche and all variants is one of my favorite non-curse pejoratives. Amy, my officemate and friend, was throwing some smack talk my way and so I returned the volley with a harsh "quit being such a douche." Needless to say she took issue.

But not only did she take issue, she was curious and threw douche into the Googler. She came upon a medical supply website that comes complete with instructions. We roared with laughter reading the instructions below and by the final douche I think all was forgiven.

1. Sterilize the Enema Set by keeping them in luke-warm water for 3 to 4 hours (overnight) and wash the douche can properly.
2. Fix the douche tube with douche bag by inserting bottom nozzle of douche bag in one end of douche tube.
3. Fix the stop cock* on the other end of douche tube.
4. Fill the douche bag with luke-warm water to be used for enema.
5. Fix the rectal/vagina** pipe with stop cock.
6. Place the douche bag at a height to ensure good flow of water.
7. Lubricate the Rectal/Vaginal pipe/nozzle with vaseline.***
8. Turn the knob to let the air out of the rubber tube.
9. Prepare yourself for enema. (Please ensure that you are in a good health and are able to carry enema activities.)
10. Insert the rectal/vaginal pipe into the anus/vagina and turn the knob of stop cork so that it allows flow of water through it.
11. Take out the rectal/vaginal pipe when enema is over. Wash again all the enema equipment with warm water.

*Stop cock... as if this could get any funnier.
**Notice that these instructions are for a multi-purpose douche, irrespective of your personal plumbing.
***Hmmm petroleum jelly is the generic term... use of Vaseline should be capitalized. tsk tsk tsk.

Good times Amy, good times.